she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
