with your own penis?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
