I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
