We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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