I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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