my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize