we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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