The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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