You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
