When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize