Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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