false alarm. still invincible.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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