Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
