Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
