That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
