maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
