i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
