ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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