I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
