you're like a bully in the Christmas story
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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