My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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