two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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