Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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