I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
what day is it and did you see me today?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i came on her dog
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
