Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
time to smoke my breakfast
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
