Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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