porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
