am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
