Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
