I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
