I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
