if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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