I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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