Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
