life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My sheets look like a crime scene.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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