Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
