its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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