Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I did not marry a roomba.
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