I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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