she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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