Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
