I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
