I just made out with a guy for $7.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
