dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
