I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize