i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
