Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
