There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
