FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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