I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize