I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize