When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
