Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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