Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
