the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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