And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
