My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
