I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize