I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
