He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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