My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize