I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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