Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
