Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
