I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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