my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize