Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's blow job season.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
