gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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