Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
