I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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