Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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