i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
