I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
