Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
