Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
