That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize