u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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