hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
