i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
