Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
