ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize