New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
vagina is talking i cant
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
