I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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