so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
