I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
