Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize