this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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