I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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