Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
