last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
