I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
