yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
