i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
