You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
