You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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