It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
