I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
