So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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