I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize