Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
