Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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