i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize