Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
