I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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