There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
