he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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