My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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