I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
