4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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