1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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