seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize