This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
