um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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