i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
