I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
