I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
