I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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