every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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