I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
