That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize