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• (408): View more from California

  hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner

  (1-408): View more from California

  if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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• (323): View more from California

  dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning

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• (347): View more from New York

  I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.

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