I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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