You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
