We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
