So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
